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(no subject) [Aug. 5th, 2006|06:38 pm]
[Emotion |uncomfortableuncomfortable]

Well today sucks...

Woke up, Michael came home.. and then...

He broke up with me.. just like that.

I feel like I'm in shock right now. I just don't know what to think..

I never saw it going like this. I was supposed to break up with him. I should feel relieved but somehow I'm still pissed. I knew I haven't been the happiest lately but I figured we'd work through it. Never once have we discussed our relationship dying. Now all of the sudden he has a problem with it?!? I feel lied to.

Anywho.. regardless, he's gone now. He packed up and left to live with his friends, Dick & Riley.

Hardly 3 hours later and my whole world has changed. It's amazing how quickly life moves sometimes. And after it all I'm left here wondering what just happened.
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(no subject) [Jul. 17th, 2006|04:25 pm]
oh life... what's going on??

Last friday my grandpa died, expected it soon but not as soon as it went. He had cancer, it went into his lungs and his last moments were spent gasping for air. I really should stop smoking.

It's amazing how diseases work. He found out he had cancer about 3 weeks ago. Up until then he didn't have a clue. The doctor said that cancer can go unnoticed if your in good shape. While my grandpa did smoke for about 50 years he also swam laps everyday and worked all day on his farm.. His body compensated for it for a long time. When his body couldn't take it anymore it was like a dam being broken. The changes I saw him go through was shocking to say the least. It's so hard to see someone change from being completely fine one day to not being able to recognize you two days later.

My mom seems to be overwhelmed by it all right now. We have a small family to start off with but after 4 deaths in 3 years we have fewer hands to help this days. I'm going to take off the rest of the week and go out to Canby, hopefully I can help her maintain her sanity.
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(no subject) [Jun. 28th, 2006|06:19 am]
[Current Location |home]
[Emotion |tiredtired]
[Music |fan blowing]

So my mom called me... My brother had a problem with his biodiesel venture. You may have heard about it even... cause apparently when he screws up, he screws BAD....bad enough to hit every local news program and newpaper. Woo Hoo Jeff! Bravo.

read more @ http://www.kgw.com/news-local/stories/kgw_062406_news_canby_fire.ba34d768.html
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(no subject) [Aug. 7th, 2005|11:58 pm]
[Emotion |crushedcrushed]

My heart has suddenly been ripped out of my chest.

a dagger has impaled it and now I can feel him twisting it


and over

and over

and over
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(no subject) [Aug. 5th, 2005|08:06 pm]
[Emotion |hopefulhopeful]

"Good things tend to come in threes, and the first of a very merry trio is about to arrive very soon. Just remember to look surprised when it turns up -- the stars love to surprise people."

Item #1 9:11am

Call from a staffing service asking if I would like to come in for an interview. :)

I'm completely stoked about the possibility of getting this job. It's a receptionist position at a dentist office paying $12 an hour. That would definitely help me financially...

Item #2 9:28am

Call from this artsy glass company asking if I would like to come in for an interview. :)

This job would be pretty cool too. It's also a receptionist position. The job listing really stood out to me though.. It looks like a pretty chill place to work. The owners look like a couple of old hippies. I wouldn't be surprised if they let me wear my piercings :)

Item #3 3:33pm

Call from Washington Mutual asking if I want to come in for a 2nd interview!

I'd basically be a teller.. It's not the greatest of jobs but I think it will pay ok and it's in the pearl district so it would definitely be easy to get to..

I'm so excited about actually having interviews.. Lately I've been kinda giving up hope but I guess I just needed to apply at tons of places.. I applied for about 30 jobs yesterday.. I can see the difference, that's for sure!

On a another note.. my happy-happy-yay feeling is being somewhat tarnished.. I think my ex is mad at me and I don't know why. We've never been mad at each other.. We were talking like almost every day and now all of the sudden he's ignoring me.. Well not all of the sudden.. Like for the last couple of weeks. I just figured he was busy and didn't really think much of it but in the last few days I've tried chatting with him and he's just ignoring me...I even asked him if he was mad at me.. Still didn't answer. I know he's read my messages because he logs off each day...

I don't know what I could have done... I just don't know! It's making me feel like crap though.. That’s for sure.

People should really be more honest with one another.. This is very cruel punishment. Especially me being the person I am.. I dwell and dwell and dwell. I need answers!

I dunno.. Maybe I'm over-reacting.. Perhaps there's a perfectly reasonable explanation.. Like maybe both his arms just randomly fell off recently....yeah...maybe.. *sigh*
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(no subject) [Jul. 31st, 2005|01:27 am]
uhhh... I think I want to go home now. Everyday my mom says she'll take me home and then later changes her mind. I've spent more than enough mother daughter bonding time with her. I miss the noise of portland.

Maybe... tomorrow.. I hope.

Anywho, my phone is still bugging the crap out of me.. I think maybe it's just not working in some way.. I don't think I could be that dumb.. I think I'm intelligent.. well in some ways anyway. Today I kept getting notifications of getting aim messages and never once could I read them. Then one of the messages said 20 new aim clients, 20/30 waiting. I clicked on my aim thingy and no messages.. uhhhh.. WTF!?!?!? The mystery messages are adding up... This is getting more than annoying. What if I'm missing out on something of extreme importance! like chanelle telling me I smell like cheese...damn T-Mobile. I miss my trusty AT&T.

hmmm, me is sleepy.. I think I shall go to sleep before I end up throwing my phone at the wall.

P.s. I feel & look like a giant strawberry. The sun needs to take a little break. It's causing me to go out in public less dressed than I want to be.. It makes me look skanky...and fat.
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(no subject) [Jul. 30th, 2005|12:39 am]
ok... getting my new phone today was incredibly lame... had to track down the shipment with UPS because I wasn't home to sign for it.. Then I find out I have to stick around portland for the lame UPS people to call me back to tell when to come by the main UPS place.. Finally they call and say I can come by at 7:30-8ish... I piddle around for hours and finally head out to the middle of nowhere and get lost for a while. I finally found the place and they had closed 15 minutes earlier.. but I looked sad and pathetic and the lady let me in :)

Woo hoo for being ultra pathetic! it pays off :)

Anyway... I'm trying to get my phone all set up and changed over but it's confusing the crap out of me. I got the same exact model phone and everything.. the phone company just changed... but that seems to make everything different. I see notices that I'm recieving aim messages yet I can't read them... WTF???? I have all these new options I've never seen before and everything looks different.. I like a couple of the things but for the most part. yuk!

I'm too lazy to transfer all my numbers over too.. I think I want to get one of those cables to do it from a computer. Now that my old phone's sim card doesn't work I can't just transfer from one phone to the other. Well at least from what I've observed.. If anyone knows of another way let me know.. I seem to be getting quite confused. I'm kinda new to cell phones.. for a long time I realllllllly didn't want one. I hate phones, why would I want people to have the ability to call me whenever they want?!?!? but I suppose there are times when I'm thankful for it.. and that's why I can't imagine life without one now. damn phone. one more expensive bill to add to my monthly expenses.
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(no subject) [Jul. 28th, 2005|12:30 am]
Since I'm stuck in canby with nothing to do.. I decided to hang out outside for the majority of the day again and got even more sunburned. during which I got a call from Comcast. They did a interview with me over the phone and I think they liked me :D

I knew they would... I have experience.. I don't suck.. it just took them forever to call me. I haven't got the job but they said they'll let me know by friday..or maybe it's friday that they finish the interviews.. well regardless, I should know soonish.

While I was trying to avoid another call center job I suppose there are perks..

*$10.25 an hour =$1640 a month :)
*no dress code as far as I know...
*free internet, cable and digital phone line...or like $10 for all of it. either way... super cheap.

The downside is that it's a billing representative position. So basically it's people calling with questions regarding their bill. I hope it isn't like 98% super pissed off people. That could get annoying really fast. Although, I'm sure if I stick it out I could get transfered to a different position.. they're hiring for like 8 different positions right now and are pretty much always hiring.

If only I had a license.. I would totally be one of the people that comes out to disconnect the cable when the customer doesn't pay their bill. That would rock. but unfortunatly.. I don't..so I can't. :( oh well...

Anyway.. I'm off to bed..
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(no subject) [Jul. 27th, 2005|09:07 am]
WEll... I'm just retarded or something....

I took my medication.. getting ready for my appointment...

and then find out it was last month. :(

Now the meds are kicking in and I just feel all out of it...

I could of swore the lady said july... I told her any time was fine that wasn't the end of june because at that time I thought I was going to Las Vegas. So it wouldn't of made since for me to make the appointment in June. Lame, lame, lame....

I seem to have a lot of planned trips that I end up not going on. That is stupid. I need to go somewhere... My "going somewhere" senses are tingling!

even my horoscopes agree....

"If you've had the urge to boldly go where you've never gone before, don't let anything stop you. There's definitely no time like the present for a spontaneous trip to unknown lands. You'll be amazed at how easy you'll feel at home, too, no matter how long you've actually known your companions."

These are the times in which I wish I had a car... making sudden plans don't always work out well with others I've noticed.
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SHIT! [Jul. 20th, 2005|02:32 am]
reality has set in... finally.

My mom talked with my dad and tried to see if she could get him to cover me for another month until I can get back on my feet. So many places are hiring but in a couple of weeks or so, not right now... The timing couldn't be worse. My dad said I better start packing. I hate him being in control of me. I hate the fact that he thinks I'll have no choice but to move in with him.. I hate the fact he thinks I'll have to take out my piercings because I'll have no choice but to in order to get a job in Canby. I hate it all so very much.

Basically at this point my thoughts are....

*Magically win some wonderful amount of money without actually entering anything because I'm too broke to do so...

*Use the $500 I get back from the deposit to move in with my brothers friend... but pay about $50 less than what I'm paying now just for some small lame room...and then losing my apartment. this is a rare situation. it's cheap for downtown and it's not a closet. I don't want to say bye.

*Somehow find a way to move in with my mom and end everything I've come to enjoy. Use the $500 to buy a plane ticket to north carolina.. Michael just brought it up on the phone and right now I think I'm so mentally unbalanced that I just might go. Although, no need to freak out. I'm not moving there.. Just going out there for a while.

One more thing to complicate matters is that I have to get my wisdom teeth pulled on the 27th. I'll be way too out of it to move my stuff the next couple of days afterwards.. So.. I'm thinking I'll have to move out early so I can avoid it. I'm considering cancelling it. Even though it was planned months ahead of time, it would make things a bit easier to cope with I think. This is just too much..

I need some good news.. any good news.. I'm not religious but maybe I should start praying.
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